Divine Appointments: chapter 4

I was the only one from my college Inter Varsity chapter to sign up for the Aspen Evangelism project.   My dad drove me up the mountain to Aspen that summer of 1987. The trip was uneventful and most pleasant.  I was one of the first to arrive at the Aspen project. I had free run of the place. I took the opportunity to walk around the small chalet which was to be my summer haven. A number of college students from all over the country were expected in the next few days. The leadership team had already started setting things up. Among those things was the book table. I took a moment to scan the titles. Upon first glance nothing really caught my attention until I perused them again and saw a book called, “The Health and Wealth Gospel”. The title was catchy. It sounded like a book that fit well with everything I had been learning.  However, just a cursory glance at the cover made me a little uncomfortable.  The book seemed to be little more than a neutral discussion concerning the teachings that had charmed me.  I guessed it to be a risky read.  I can't say why I thought that.  I left it there for the time being and thought it over. Thinking it over was an understatement. I couldn't get it off my mind so I decided to just read it and get it over with.   I liked what I read at first but as I progressed deeper into this piece of non-fiction I became both increasingly intrigued and anxious at the same time.   The first naggings started up in the back of my mind. 

The author started off talking about the "Faith Movement".  I hadn't heard of that movement but the concepts he described rang familiar.  It certainly wasn‘t what I would call relaxed reading.   Some of the testimonials of people who held to this system of beliefs were shocking. So shocking I wasn’t sure I could believe them. The book startled me. I had to ask myself, “Were these 'Faith Movement' ideologies really one and the same with those that I thought were so cool?”  How could the beliefs which produced joy and excitement in me be the same ones that caused heart ache and even death in others? I put the book aside for several days but I was unsuccessful at forgetting about it.  The stories played over and over in my head.  The more I thought about it the more defensive and angry I became.  I was trying desperately to justify my beliefs in light of this book but in reality deep down I knew that these stories represented my beliefs.  And if that were the case I was in trouble.   Knowing this, however, and acting on it were two different things. The conflict threw me into a tail spin.   

To say the least, I was confused. I have very few memories outside my own dilemma for a portion of that summer due to the fact that I was so preoccupied.  I literally lived with a pendulum of thoughts and emotions. One moment, I was stubbornly convinced that the last six months of experience and learning were well founded and the next moment I questioned my salvation.  Much of my walk with the Lord up to this point was based on experience therefore if one part of my experience was coming into question perhaps all of it should be questioned.   My tenuous faith was teetering and I believed that it was the fault of that book. To this day, I remember one story that haunted me constantly.  It was a story about parents who refused to take their daughter to the doctor because they believed if they had enough faith God would surely heal her.  They prayed for her at home instead. According to them, it was a lack of faith by taking her to the doctor and therefore God would not heal her.  Their only seeming choice was to stick it out by believing God.  The little girl died.  I wondered how these people could be so backward as to let their own daughter die, on the other hand, this was the only kind of faith that made sense to me.  It was the only way I had been  taught to believe.  I could not conceive of any other way.  If the way I had been taught was wrong, my whole infrastructure and foundation was at risk too, leaving me spiritually sinking.   Now I knew why reading this book was risky. 

For some strange reason, however, I felt compelled to finish it.   But before I could do this I needed to know more about the book and the author. There was a fellow named Darren Zent attending the Aspen Evangelism project who was very well read in a lot of Christian non-fiction.  I asked him about the book.  He had read the book and said that it was very good.  I remember thinking that it was possible that Darren didn’t know what he was talking about.  Somehow, however, I wasn’t able to convince myself of this.   Eventually, I admitted to myself that there were no excuses left. I had to finish the book.  

 Meanwhile, Darren inquired about my curiosity. I have never been a private person. I have always been open about my life to anyone interested.  Therefore, when he asked, I spilled everything I had been going through since I had started reading it. I couldn’t have chosen a better person to open up to. Not only had he read it but he was also very familiar with the movement the author addressed. We conversed at length about this movement. He was not shy about his complete disagreement with anything and everything tied to this particular faction of Christianity.  I argued with him, still not willing to abandon all of my allegiance.  I could, on the other hand, concede that the extremes of the movement were harmful and I wasn’t going to be extreme. After many nights of debate with Darren, I solidly determined that my belief system was ok as long as it stayed balanced.  This newly fostered frame of mind calmed my wavering faith for the time being.  I was okay or so I thought.

In our very first conversation, Darren delivered a scripturally firm foundation which girded up my faith forever concerning my salvation and my experience in the Baptism in the Holy Spirit.  It was this conversation, too, which firmly delivered my heart into his hands.  From that moment on he was to me "the friend who sticks closer than a brother" (Prov. 18:24). Darren and I became very good friends and spent hours talking and praying together that summer. What I did not know was that before Darren and I really ever spoke together seriously he was being teased ruthlessly by his room mates because of his crush on me. They played relentless jokes on him and many of these tactics were done right in front of me.   Either I was too consumed by the conflict within me to notice or the Lord protected me until such a time that He opened the door of relationship.  Probably both are true.  Either way, I am thankful.  He and I went on to minister the Baptism of the Holy Spirit to nine other people that summer.  It was remarkable and unforgettable.  We got engaged in October of 1987.