Sunday, March 27, 2011

Going Deeper: chapter 2

 After my  salvation I consistently went to Catholic Youth meetings and continued to go to church with my family.  I started paying closer attention to the priest during his homilies and became very interested in the liturgy.  It appeared to me that my spiritual needs were sufficiently met for the time being.    I continued my faithful attendance to the Catholic Church.   I even spent large portions of my days at a local convent praying and seeking God’s will for my life.  I felt welcome at St. Francis of Asisi convent.  Though it was mainly a home for elderly nuns, many of which did not speak English, it was staffed by a handful of younger nuns who opened their arms to me.  It was close to my home, peaceful and rather beautiful.   The life of a nun was attractive to me for numerous reasons.  Mostly, it was a life in pursuit of God without distraction  that I found incredibly appealing.   The nuns I had met were kind, generous and some of them were rather entertaining, especially the older animated ones who yelled in German at the football games on TV.  Many of them played board games, cards, bingo and few even played with pennies!   It was here that I would find a secluded place outdoors to pray and read the Bible.  God felt so close to me here. 

If I wasn’t at the convent I was at home spending at least an hour everyday reading the Bible and it seemed the more I read the hungrier I became.  I had stopped all of the behaviors on weekends that were detrimental to me, namely, drinking and getting drunk.   I maintained the same friends but our relationships changed.  

In my senior year, many of my extracurricular endeavors gravitated towards helping others.  I joined a peer counseling club.  I also joined the American Lung Association Student Program called "Student to Student"; telling of the dangers of smoking while carrying around a jarred and scarred lung from some poor soul.   These school time occupations fulfilled the God given yearnings I felt as new believer for a time. 

In 1985 I graduated from high school and immediately enrolled into a small 4 year college in my home town. As a freshman in college, I developed wonderful Christian friends through Inter-Varsity Christian Fellowship (IVCF).  For the first time since being born-again I had Christian role models.  I watched them with intensity; so much so that I may have scared off one or two of them.  I thoroughly enjoyed the IVCF Bible studies. The atmosphere was very laid back and unassuming.  The single guitar worship was amazing.  I fully enjoyed and appreciated these people.  They were sincere and helpful.   The depth of faith that I saw in them appeared genuine and deep.  I began to perceive a difference between the nuns and my new friends. The nuns showed me love and kindness but my relationship with them was not the same as with my college friends. This discrepancy started out almost unnoticeable but it grew to a point where it could no longer be ignored.   It was about this time, also, that a certain "yearning" sparked in my heart.  I found that I desperately desired something more.  What exactly that was, I didn’t know.   And because of this combination of events in my heart my visits to the convent ebbed away.  

I searched with fervent determination for this unknown "more".  I started doing a Bible Study with an IVCF believing friend who was a college Senior at the time. He, too, shared my curiosity for “more” of God.   He and I together searched the scriptures but neither of us had any clue as to what it was that we were looking for. One day at a T.E.C reunion, a nun gathered a few of us girls together.  She nervously glanced back and forth before quickly ushering us to the bathroom.  There, in hushed tones, she told us about a rumor.  We bent over with hands together, awaiting the juicy gossip.   She told us that she knew about nuns and priests that spoke in another language called "tongues".  This language, she explained, was apparently not earthly but rather some kind of direct link to the Father in Heaven.  That was it.  That was all she knew.  I was ecstatic because I knew that this information brought me one step closer to finding the answer.   

I went home and flipped my Bible open.  It fell open to the book of Acts.  I read and quickly saw in Chapter 2 verse 4 what that nun had been talking about...there it was!   I immediately started praying and asking God for this.  Nothing happened.  I begged God for it.  Nothing.  Some time later, a certain missionary from the Philippines had been invited to speak to the Inter Varsity Group.  I was there. 

He spoke one sentence that I remember, "I have got something to give you called the Baptism of the Holy Spirit".  He said many other things.  As a matter of fact, he said far too many things for my liking.  All I heard was that one statement and I was ready.  When he finally gave the call to stand up and receive I jumped up.   I was the fourth person he prayed for.  He laid his hands on me and prayed.  At that same moment that he laid his hands on me I felt the power of God go into me through my stomach.  It felt like I had been punched but it didn't hurt.  And immediately I received the gift of tongues. I stood, arms raised, and prayed quietly.   I don't know how long I stood there but someone came and told me that it was over. Although he prayed for everyone, I could tell by the countenance of my IVCF friends that they were not impressed.  Unfortunately, it was this meeting that put a permanent wedge between me and my IVCF fellows.  I didn't understand but they knew what had happened to me and they did not agree with it.  Despite my best efforts to close the gap, it only served to make matters worse.   Not knowing what I know now, most of them came from a background of Christianity that does not embrace the gifts of the Spirit or the Baptism of the Holy Spirit.  Perhaps if they had continued to nurture me despite their disagreements, things would have turned out different for me.   Though it matters nothing because God always has another plan.

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